Words on the Page: Specific Examples of Newbery-level Writing
As we go through a Mock Newbery year, we’re always trying to identify excellence in the books we read. And of course we pay particular attention to the Newbery Terms and Criteria, which define what excellence consist of…though not always as clearly as we wish, which leads to some debate and interpretation on our part. It’s important to try to find the words that best describe why the writing is deserving of high honors.
But sometimes it’s even more useful to show, rather than tell. Finding short passages, or sometimes longer ones, that capture elements of the author’s skill in specific areas can really advance a Newbery discussion. It also helps to focus us on “the words on the page,” rather than the experience we had while reading those words, and after. Or the experience we imagine child readers will have. I don’t mean that we should ignore our personal responses, nor that we should only talk about these books in relation to direct quotes from the text. But going back and looking directly at the words on the page is a great way to try to filter out our personal response and drill down to exactly what the author does with language.
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With that in mind, I picked out some passages from a few of this year’s possible contenders that have struck me during my reading so far this year. I feel like these capture and demonstrate some of the strongest elements of the writing in each book:
AND THEN, BOOM! by Lisa Phipps
The book conveys the devastating impact of poverty and hunger in a way that’s specific and personal. Here’s Joe describing how he and his grandmother deal with hunger: both need food, but both want the other to eat, and there’s just not enough:
Sometimes Grandmum acts busy
until
I’m done eating and then
she eats whatever’s left.
What she doesn’t know is
I never get my fill.
I stop eating
to make sure there’s food left for
Grandmum.
There’s one thing worse than hunger:
watching someone you love
go hungry. [from the chapter “Worse Than Hunger”]
THE COLOR OF SOUND by Emily Barth Isler
In this book Rosie decides to take a break from the violin, which baffles and upsets her parents. Her thoughts and reflections, naturally peppered with musical references, are especially interesting and well-rendered, like in this passage:
Dad arrives late that night, but when I come downstairs on Saturday he’s at the breakfast table, having coffee with Grandpa.
“There’s my girl,” he says, and I give him a hug. I’m happy to see him, but I can’t help missing my breakfast rituals with Grandpa. We’ve perfected every note, every measure. Now Dad comes in like a woodwind section that’s in tune with the rest of the orchestra, but not previously part of this particular piece.
“Have you started playing again?” is the first thing he asks me. Not “How are you?” or “What have you been up to?”
A page later she considers her Grandpa’s response:
Grandpa shoots Dad a look that I wish I could capture in a song; it’s admonishing and stern but also sympathetic – or maybe sort of wistful? I’m not even sure what color it is – it’s not something I’ve really seen before. [from the beginning of Chapter 11]
HOW IT ALL ENDS by Emma Hunsinger
Tara’s narration in this graphic novel is unique and memorable. She’s self-deprecating, easy to empathize with, and so imaginative. In this passage, she speculates (while dining with her family) how things might go when she visits her new friend, starting off reasonably, and then going over the top with her anxiety:
But what if outside of school it’s different, and I say the wrong thing...
What if I accidentally let her cat out and she runs away?
What if she wants to watch ‘Hot Nights?’…
What if our snack is everything bagels and I get poppyseeds in my teeth?
What if I accidentally punch her in the face when I put on my coat?
What if a long time ago bugs laid eggs in my body?
[Tara]: “Do you hear buzzing?…What’re these bumps?”
And the eggs have been dormant.
BUT THEN THEY ALL HATCH WHILE I’M AT LIBBY’S HOUSE.
Then it jumps back to the dinner table. with word balloons:
[Dad]: Something on your mind, Tara?
[Tara]: Oh! Yes. What are the odds of dormant bug eggs laid in your body long ago hatching in Ocotber?
[Dad]: Oh wow. Like here? In the USA? The odds are very low Tara.
The next day during her school day Tara keeps the anxiety/fantasy going, repeating to herself: “Bugs won’t fly out of me….Bugs won’t fly out of me….” At some point she tells her friend Jessup about her unreasonable worries and I love his not-at-all-reasonable-or-reassuring response:
[Jessup]: And your Dad was SURE it wouldn’t happen in the United States? [p 206-209]
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MAGNOLIA WU UNFOLDS IT ALL by Chanel Miller
The third-person narration captures Magnolia’s unique point of view. The language is fresh and fun, perfectly aligned with the character. A few short samples:
Usually, when Mrs. Wu tried to set Magnolia up with one of her friend’s kids, it was not good. That was called a forced friendship, and the chances that their stars would align were extremely low. Once, Magnolia met one of her mom’s friend’s kids named Kyle. Kyle showed her his and farm, and it looked like if you took the period at the end of a sentence and poured about two thousand of them into a glass box. All the ants were so dry and dead in there that Magnolia lost all trust in her mom to make proper friend arrangements. (p 8)
Magnolia watched from the hole in her sheet, wincing from the force of each word. If the woman had speech bubbles, they would’ve been spiky like sea urchins, jutting out like spears. (p 15)
Magnolia wondered why adults were always reminding her that she used to be smaller and was now larger. What else were they expecting to happen? (p 31)
All of the above are examples that I might use to demonstrate how the authors’ style choices and use of language contribute to the book’s excellence.
If you have a copy one of your top picks of the year handy, I bet it won’t take long for you to skim through and find a short passage that would serve the same purpose, representing the author’s artistry at its most effective. If so, feel free to share in the comments below. And I might add a couple more myself…
Filed under: Book Discussion
About Steven Engelfried
Steven Engelfried retired from full-time library work a couple years ago and now works as a part-time Youth Librarian at the West Linn Public Library in Oregon. He served on the 2010 Newbery committee, chaired the 2013 Newbery Committee, and also served on the 2002 Caldecott committee. You can reach him at sengelfried@yahoo.com.
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Cherylynn says
Ferris by Kate Dicamillo
note: Ferris is watching her little sister Pinky who has lost her front teeth read The Little Match Girl to the librarian to prove she can read so that she can get a library card.
Transfixed.
Frozen in horror or astonishment.
Because who knew what was going to happen in the showdown between Mrs. Atkins and Pinky?
Pinky slammed the book shut when she was done reading. “Thath that thtory,” said Pinky.
“My goodness,” said Mrs. Atkins, who looked impressed but unwilling to admit it.
“That girl thould have juth robbed a bank,” said Pinky.
“I beg your pardon?” said Mrs. Atkins.
“That thilly girl thould have robbed a bank!” said Pinky. “she thould have done thumpthing to rethcue herthelf.”
Note: I personally always love the sentence level writing of Kate Dicamillo. I do not always think she deserves an award, but her sentence level writing is always a treasure to read.
Leonard Kim says
One of my favorite books this year is THE LAST APPLE TREE by Claudia Mills, and I think it excels in all the Criteria. But leafing through it, I found it challenging to select a short passage that really sells it. The book perhaps shows to better effect over a couple chapters to get the alternating perspectives and meet more characters, who are all superbly “delineated.”
Still, I’ll go with this bit. The grandfather has just made the big reveal to Zeke. Strategically, I like that Mills immediately follows not with a proportionate, internal emotional reaction but a “social” one, in which a complete arc is delivered in five short lines. I like how short and jumpy the first three are, which I think accurately reflects a mind suddenly in a what-do-I-do panic mode. I like the concrete detail of the casserole in the longer, fourth line–its irrelevance and intrusion feels realistic and relatable even as it masterfully controls the pacing. I like the banality of the resolution, with its logical succession of increasingly awkward and inadequate statements.
Zeke should say something.
You can’t hear a story like that and just say nothing.
But what could he possibly say?
The words his mother had spoken when she brought over that casserole, after the old woman died, were all he could think of.
“I’m sorry . . . for your loss. I’m just . . . sorry. I’m sorry . . . that it happened.”
(174)
Mills does deliver an outburst reaction a few paragraphs later, when it is more appropriate and adequate to the situation and characters. In this chapter, the grandfather’s first and last lines are single sentences, but he otherwise speaks only in paragraphs as he recounts his story of loss. Having young granddaughter Villie react after a single sentence contributes to a sudden dams-breaking feeling. It’s Villie’s reaction, not Zeke’s, so it must be shown-not-told. Where we are shown added details (the paper hats) they are effective both in and of themselves and in controlling the pace. Otherwise, nothing is wasted word-wise.
“I think,” the old man said, “when that tree dies, it’ll be time for me to die right along with it.”
Zeke heard a wail. For a moment he thought it was the sound of little girl Julie screaming in the orchard on that long-ago day. But it was Villie, standing at the bottom of the stairs, a new construction paper hat on her head where the dandelions had been, and two other newly made hats clutched one in each hand.
“I don’t want you to die, Gramps! I don’t want you to die ever!” (174-175)
Steven Engelfried says
Here’s a bit from JUPITER RISING by Gary Schmidt. There are some dramatic scenes in this book, but I especially appreciate the quieter ones, where we’re not directly told what the characters are feeling, but completely understand through the description of what they do. In this part, Jack is starting to understand that they will probably lose custody of Jupiter, meaning he’ll have to break the promise he made earlier at the graveside of Joseph (Jupiter’s deceased father):
I sat by Joseph’s stone. It was midafternoon now and the sun had gone pale. Cold air was coming in. I sat with my back against the stone. It was still warm.
I told Joseph what Miss Canton had said.
I asked him how he’d be if something happened and I wouldn’t always know where Jupiter was.
It was hard to get it out, but that’s what I asked.
I waited. There wasn’t any answer.
Probably because I already knew the answer. (p 133)
Leonard mentioned the “concrete detail” in his scene from THE LAST APPLE TREE above and Gary S. is good at that too. Whatever’s going on, he’ll usually make sure we know about the weather or the natural world in a way that doesn’t interfere with story or character. In the example above, it’s that cold air contrast with the warmth of the gravestone…
Owen Ridings says
I just finished MAGNOLIA WU UNFOLDS IT ALL, and I wanted to add something. I think that one of the book’s most interesting characteristics is the very adult way that 10-year-old Magnolia thinks and talks. Some might say that it’s unrealistic, and in some cases it doesn’t seem the most natural. But overall, I think it makes the book’s narration much more entertaining. As an example:
“Ms. Lam came over and squeezed Iris, and Magnolia noticed her bicep was the size of a lemon. It was miraculous.”
And the humorous, out-of-pocket comments:
“‘I didn’t know beards could be so big,’ whispered Iris. ‘Like a squirrel exploded on someone’s face.'”
These random little gems remind me of Kate DiCamillo’s style, which is a pretty significant compliment 🙂
Steven Engelfried says
Great examples, Owen. I have to say that MAGNOLIA has risen steadily in my eyes over the months. First I think I thought: “that was fun and different…I wonder if it could be Newbery?” Now I’m more: “This really is a contender.” It’s with the re-reading and attention to those words on the page where this kind of progression happens with me. And from what others share about their own reading and reactions…
Owen Ridings says
To me, it feels like a throwback to 1960s and 70s Newbery…a short, sweet, family-and-community story that is quiet but memorable. I think that Miller, however, updates that style in a way that would be attractive to today’s judges—a lot of diverse characters and a gentle, appropriate discussion of racism are what comes to mind. It really does feel like it could be worthy of an Honor at least.
Owen Ridings says
From LOUDER THAN HUNGER:
“Today’s my last day inpatient at Whispering Pines.
I’ve written down and spoken my thoughts, my feelings, my fears.
I’ve admitted painful truths.
I’ve shared how being bullied feels.
I’ve written down memory after memory, slowly digging my way out of a deep, dark hole.
Light, I see you; I can feel your warmth.”
Steven Engelfried says
One of the strengths of ENIGMA GIRLS is the way we see all of the key characters, doing different but similar work, and how their joint efforts have such an impact. Here’s the text from a short chapter (“Premonitions”) where we get quick glimpses at three of the young women during the lead-up to D-Day. Each paragraph gives us a bit about the women’s emotions, some everyday details (food, dictionary, pencil) and development of plot threads:
“Jane Hughes could feel it. Something big was coming. Certainly, no one traded details of their work, but one couldn’t mistake the tense, almost feverish excitement in the canteen when the cryptographers sprinted in, bolted disgusting platefuls of kidneys on toast without complaining, and sprinted out, pencils at the ready. Yes, she could feel it. And lots of other workers could, too. Something big was coming.
* * *
The decrypts on Sarah Norton’s table told the story. The Germans had been busy, laying thousands of naval mines in the Channel. But what was the location of those mines? Vital to the invasion’s success would be the minesweepers, whose job it was to clear a safe path for the amphibious vessels filled with troops. Discovering where the explosives lay was vital to the operation. Sarah opened her German dictionary. Mine… floating mine … marine mine …
* * *
Mavis rarely left her desk these days. Like the rest of the Park, she felt taut and nerve-racked. Were the Germans buying the British deception? Did they think the invasion would take place at Pas de Calais?
The Spy Enigma held the answer
The minute intercepts arrived, Mavis snatched them up. Her fingers clenched the pencil as she broke into the day’s settings. So far, Berlin had swallowed the deception. But the Germans were clever and resourceful. How long before they figured out the truth?”
Quade Kelley says
This is one of my favorite parts of book reviews. I annotate with sticky notes and gravitate back to the books that are thick with flags for a second reading. For the 2024 HMAC, Dave Eggers’s The Eyes and the Impossible was one of my Top five Final picks, specifically because of its “excellence in quality” of language.
A few stand out to me this year. Here are 3 examples of very different but distinct books that use language in an original and award-worthy way.
THE COLOR OF SOUND by Emily Barth Isler
Isler uses descriptive language right out of the gate. In the introduction on page 1, Rosie reflects on her synesthesia:
“It’s not just dreaming in music for me. It’s dreaming in textures and colors, feelings and temperatures, tastes and scents. When I wake up and try to capture it, I find myself scribbling down fragments: lilies and velvet, sycamore trees, salt and butter, bold lines and wispy clouds, the scent of summer’s first day.” This vivid description of her synesthetic experiences evokes a sense of wonder and appreciation for the beauty of her unique perception of the world. It sets the tone for the book, opening the door to developing a distinct and original plot and theme. Beautiful language describes the experience of a character who is gifted and neurodivergent. (It’s not award-related, but the cover art is one of the best I have ever seen in introducing the story visually.)
AND THEN, BOOM! by Lisa Fipps (October Nomination to HMAC)
Fipps’s free verse poetry uses language in a distinct way. While the vocabulary is in the early reader range, the cadence of her writing mirrors the emotional path of the main character. It is descriptive, creating a visual experience with the aid of literary devices such as metaphors and onomatopoeia. The language didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks, but the experience of reading the book was distinct, notable, and totally modern.
“Tick. Tick. Tick.
Mom leaves for days.
Weeks.
Months.
You never know when she’ll take off
or when she’ll come back,
But you know takeoff’s coming.
Tick. Tick. Tick. “(p.7)
“Every story boils down to
and-thens
and
BOOMS!’
And-thens
and
BOOMS!
are all about the moments when
something happens
that changes
everything.” (p.12)
LOUDER THAN HUNGER by John Schu (October Nomination to HMAC)
This book whispers to me- Newbery. Newbery. Newbery.
Schu delivers a masterful organization of language. The free verse format, white space choices and formatting work together, highlighting the theme plot and powerful character development.
One of my favorite uses of language is this quote that really captures the feeling of hope in the book:
“Laughter FILLS and FLOODS the room with light.” (p 463 visually centered )
This is another example of language that describes the characters experience with mental health therapy:
“Pedro talks about
mindfulness,
emotional waves,
how to put
emotions into
and imaginary box
and set it on the shelf.
Pedro talks about
how making art
can help us express pain,
tell stories,
heal.
I LOVE
art therapy now.” (p. 466)
While the book must stand alone to receive the Newbery, I love Schu’s references to music (Tori Amos), poetry, theater, and other works of literature. While I recognized some of the references, I made a list of new ones to look up. In my second reading, I was able to apply that research to a more full appreciation and understanding of the book. This book celebrates the arts and the power of literature to help readers find their own voice.
These are 2 of my favorite passages that give nods to past literary works and their impact on the character:
“I pick up a copy of Lowis Lowry’s The Giver,
hug it tight to my chest like a blanket
Grandma crocheted for me when I was two.
I pause in front of
a giant picture book wall.
…
I hear Grandma’s voice in my heart saying,
You’re never too old to read picture books.
A full smile slips out.
I don’t pull it back inside. “(445)
Other notable books that I noted for strong writing in 2024:
For younger readers, there is some great descriptive language in MAGNOLIA WU UNFOLDS IT ALL. Kate DiCamillo also balances great vocaulary in FERRIS.
For readers on upper end of the Newbery Range, BLACK GIRL YOU ARE ATLAS was really well crafted.
I liked the humor and tone of the dialogue in MAX IN THE HOUSE OF SPIES and OLIVETTI.
As for non-fiction, I agree that ENIGMA GIRLS is the top of the list for its organization of material and balance of facts with descriptive language. I read alot of non-fiction and liked this one. It was also fun as a precursor to THE BLETCHLEY RIDDLE- which is a run away hit this month (Sepetys & Sheinkin power team.)